Talking About Myself Is Weird: A 5, 6, 7,...Years 8 !

*goes to check out Canva cover maker* 

Lile made an amazing observation in my last comment section that HMLIS was patient zero for me reincarnating characters into the real world. Over my break I did a HMLIS re-read (which I NEVER do) and I kind of...got into it ? It was the first time I ever re-read my own work and  thought "who wrote this ?" in a good way.

I mean, the mystery set up is shaky and there are a few pacing issues but the voice and characters weren't bad for a first draft. I also saw a ton of Years and HH-verse DNA. Corrine's voice is pretty unique and if Nova had a first person POV in the HH-verse I think it would sound similar.

So, let's talk HMLIS....



History
HMLIS was heavily inspired by Blessed Hearts, my 2012 paranormal serial that was a reboot of De Tuilleres, an unfinished 2011 novella about angels who ruled a type of heaven. I mean now that I think about it, it was borderline high fantasy. IDK how I did this.  At the end of Blessed Hearts I had all the characters die because I imagined a sequel with them going into the real world and fighting their way back.

Lile was mid American Fairytale and I wanted to try my hand at blending magic and contemporary world too!

But after I finished Blessed Hearts I spent 2013 rebooting Veritas into Vice and by the time 2014 came around the story that would become HMLIS changed from my 2012 idea. I let go of the explicit Blessed Souls ties and it became about 19-year-old Jonah Morrow and Corrine (no last name!) trying to  figure out the identity of a poetry-loving girl who they believe is a ghost....it also explicitly takes place in 2011 for some reason ?

In a lot of ways Jonah Morrow, my mild-mannered-sad-sack-nerdy-atheist-beta teen with daddy issues is an outline for Mason Clark. As I said I see a lot of Corrine's voice in Nova. I wish I had done more to develop them--especially Jonah.

Isms
One thing I'm becoming more conscious of in my writing is abelism...to be honest I haven't read a lot of writing by blind people so I'm not sure how right I got the character of Matthew Saylor, deaf blind piano savant who was in Jonah's Dad's Pultizer Prize winning book as a child and is now a family friend.  I'm sure it could have been better.

On that note I did go through Years and try to take out instances of words like dumb, stupid, lame and idiot and...it may have made it better ?

Also, some of you called the ending of HMLIS really early. HMLIS ends with Abigail being not dead but a patient in  a coma.

Talking About Myself Is Weird

I really do miss the voice of HMLIS and would love to get it back. These are quotes that made me smile. I don't think I've ever quite nailed funny in the same way again.

This one comes at the end when Corrine sees her ex and tells him to stop doing drugs and take his antidepressants because she doesn't want to go to his funeral.  Then she lightens the moment.

At the time Lile and I had a back and forth about the song Honky Tonk Badankadonk

Also, this moment when Jonah and Corinne race to the hospital to see if Abigail is back in her body or if she died and in the hospital parking lot they run into Blythe, Abigail's ex-girlfriend who pushed her off the bridge and Corrine basically tells her to catch these hands

"You shouldn’t be allowed near her. You did that to her. If she dies in there that means you murdered her.”
 
“You think I don’t know that !,” Blythe yells. “I’ve been hearing that since I got out. I loved her. You don’t think I feel guilty ? You don’t think I carry that  around ? Yeah, sometimes I get to ignore it but--”

Something comes over me and my hand is in a fist and then it’s in the side of her pretty little face. 

It barely makes an impact. 

Jonah jerks me back from her and I let him. 

“I’m so sorry--,” he starts groveling to her.

I should apologize for hitting her, but I can’t help how damn good that felt.

 “No,” she says calmly. “No, I deserve that. I get it, okay ? The whole thing was expunged from record, I spent 9 months in a cushy mental hospital.  I’m on a cheerleading scholarship at UMass…I get it. I got away with it. I moved on, my whole family did while Abigail’s lives with it everyday.”

“What are you even doing here ?,” I spit.

“I don’t know…I guess talking to you two about her…. I thought I’d wait in the parking lot and talk to Mrs. Winters when she came out. As part of my treatment we had to make amends and I never made amends to her because I was too chickenshit. Now, do you still want to punch me?,”

“Yes,” I say, but Jonah steps in front to stop me.

“You’re girlfriend is crazy,” she says turning her back.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says at the same time I say. “I’m not his girlfriend.”

It's mostly the last line I like! I repurposed it for Years.


Whiteboard
I am always going on about being a pantser but I'm not 100% a pantser. Before I write a new world I create what I've been calling "whiteboards." They are documents where I'll put my basic ideas, inspies and occasionally I'll include a vague timeline or outline.

I believe I've shared the Veritas whiteboard so I thought I'd share one for HMLIS....I don't expect anyone to read it but thought it might be fun to skim through.

I didn't edit this for show so it's exactly how I left it but I did want to explain some items on it.

- The black text at the top was the outline I did right after Blessed Hearts and let sit for two years.

- I used to do grab inspy quotes and for this one I also took poems I might want to incorporate so you'll see some of those.

- Once I got away from making this a Blessed Hearts sequel I wanted it to be a sprawling family drama where each member of Jonah's family got an arc but that got scrapped pretty early so you  will also see some plot ideas that got abandoned like...a sexual  assault case  involving Jonah's brother ?

- You will see an outline. I did outline this serial for longer than I usually do. I was outlining as I was posting so you will notice as the outline goes along the characters start to get their names.

How My Life Is Spent Whiteboard

Years 8
I'm currently writing the last 3-4 chapters of this and they've been the hardest. I've decided this serial won't intersect with So We Meet...that will be a separate bonus epilogue because I want to switch back to first person.

UPDATE: Guys, I was FREAKING OUT the other day because Yola was down. It's back up now!

We're back! Here's a recap:

In 1990, 17-year-old Alex Haley is recruited into the adult entertainment industry and spends 7 years at company called Harmony and in an abusive relationship with his boss, Kenneth Maxwell. When he finally leaves he finds community working at Virtue, a virtual adult entertainment company run by Jean Dory , a former Vegas escort and reformed advantage player. He  develops a crush on Jean's close friend, computer programmer and ex-advantage player Luce Grace. 

After years of mutual pining they finally hook up. Haley graduates from an 18 month nursing program and decides he wants to start a family of his own--just as he gets news that Kenneth Maxwell died. 

We pick up in 2004....

Years 8
Playlist 
-1- Brand New Day by Joshua Radin
-2- Tattoo by Jordin Sparks 
-3- Someone To Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

Years 6 + 7

I'll be honest sometimes I don't know how to write romantic stuff so I'll put in overwrought, over the top stuff sappy stuff like this. It's also why Luce's eyes darken for some reason ?

Years 5
I guess for a change I could blog about the serial I'm actually writing ?

I knew when I started Years that Virtue would be a porn company and that kind of sent me down my path of researching the adult entertainment industry in the 90s. I wanted to show it in the background growing from a small two person operation to the centerpiece of AEX. I also wanted to establish that Fallwater is a company that builds porn sites which is why Luce and Rhett have this exchange in So We Meet:  

"I didn’t catch what you did,” Dad says.
“My mother and I have an IT business.”
“…My mom ran her own business too…a hair salon,” Dad says. “She passed away last year.”

It was supposed to come off more awkward pause-y than I wrote it. Rhett keeps talking because Luce doesn't explain further.

There is a moment in the very beginning of chapter 5 where I kind of "lose" my close third perspective because Minnow and Jean are having their back and forth in the penthouse when Haley isn't technically in the room to witness it. I do end up opening the perspective later on, it's a crutch but it sort of helps the story flow.

Years 6 + 7
I wasn't originally going to do double chapter posts but these two sections are about 2K and go well-ish together.


Recap
At the 2002 AEX awards, Virtue wins a Visionary award and Maxwell attacks Haley at the awards show when he sees Haley kiss Luce. Lucely go up to the hotel room and finally hook up. Chapter 6 is still in 2002 and  picks up a few hours from where chapter 5 left off... 

Years 6 
Playlist
-1- Perfect Strangers by Jonas Blue (this song has 645 million views on YouTube...)
-2- Love Made Me Do It by Cheryl
Years 7
-1- Light on by Maggie Rogers
-2- Look After You  by The Fray

Boys, Boys, Boys: Years 5

Rhett Clark Fun Fact
As I've been going through old posts I realized I had COMPLETELY forgotten something very important about the character of Rhett...he wasn't originally my character. His initial appearance is in a UL chapter I let JB write--which caused a bunch of drama I'm not even going to revisit.

I think that sort of explains why he went from callus angsty super damaged TL to less damaged love interest ? I'd even say the Rhett Clark we know didn't really appear until the last few chapters of UL.

Let's Talk IVB
I have a lot of regrets and Ivy Brother's is my biggest one. All of my first serials are half formed ideas, but IVB was the one that was clearly not fully "cooked." I posted the entire thing over the course of two weeks and it had no plot structure! It's probably one of the few serials I have a vivid memory of writing but it's also one of the serials I can't get back into the headspace for.

I feel like I could rework Elias and Nick's story but I dropped the ball with Slate. Not only does he say something homophobic he also gives his ex-girlfriend HIV and it resolves in a way that's not fully fleshed out.

America's Ass
Last thing, In January 2010 I posted my Raleigh from UL inspiration and Lile was so confused ! 

And by superhero movies Bluebelle means Fantastic Four because Captain America wouldn't come out until Summer 2011!

Trench Report
I have to write in chronological order and there is a particular scene in Years that has been playing out in my head like a movie for months and I've finally written that scene. Now I'm in a weird place where I need to figure out what comes next ? I feel like I'm in the trenches but not in the usual way. I'm more in a cave, trying to feel my way out ?

Years 5
This chapter opens on the The Las Vegas strip and I am a total noob who didn't realize the Las Vegas Strip is not in Las Vegas. It's in Paradise, Nevada. So I had it wrong in the header of  Chapter 1. I'm just pointing it out because it will be the first thing you see.

Recap
In 2001, Alex Haley is   working for Virtue, getting his GED and doing volunteer work while still nursing a crush on Luce Grace-- his friend who helped him leave his abusive ex  and is always around because he is building Virtue's website....with his mother. Now it's 2002 and he's pushing 30...
Years 5
Playlist
-1- Torn by Boyce Avenue
-2-  Candy by Bad Child ( I stole this when I raided the NA, Bellum, LA playlists)
-3- Ego by Beyonce
-4- Closer by Tegan and Sara

Three Whole NaNos: Years 4

 Back in 2009, I thought this purple dress was so pretty I wrote it into UL and now I--😕


More Throwback Corner
I think over the years I've lost a lot of shame. This is from an early post and I just love how nice and thankful I am  and now I say things like "I wrote this  for me and you can't have it but please use your time/energy to critique me anyway. lmao."

This paragraph continues with me writing some pretentious stuff about how people don't read anymore 🙄

Lile/EV
This little comment made me dawwww, because I started writing serials at the beginning of my journey from SH to SHV...I think the Erik/Lile discourse had mostly moved to her blog now !


Three Whole NaNoWriMos
Holy cow UL was almost 150K words ! I thought Compulsion might actually be the longest serial to date because it's technically 2 serials but I put it all in a Doc and Compulsion is only 120K including the author's notes.

The odd thing is...I wrote UL "live" so I did 120k in about 4 months.  I have no idea how. I sort of think it'd be fun to go back to doing this without knowing what I'd signed up for...

I got the word count for Compulsion based on what was posted on Yola but I  was originally going to see if there was a way I could combine my Word files to get the Compulsion word count. When I opened the folder I realized I have very little idea what ANY OF this nonsense means. How did I keep up with this ? I know the letters stand for the POVs of Alan, Kenneth, ALex but not sure why some say FINAL ?

I can't believe it took me until Sunshine (my last serial) to put everything in one doc!

United Light
As I go back through old stuff the other thing I noticed about UL is a lot of it is lost.  I'm 90% sure I don't have any of the original word files for it so if Yola goes away...I'm SOL. I'm going to put it all in a WordDoc this month...hold me to it.

But also most of the UL music is gone too. This is one of the first playlists I wrote out in the comment section. It's for chapter 8 and it's  just got a lot of songs from One Tree Hill / SYTYCD

A majority of the playlists aren't written in the blog ( I think I stole my playlist format from Lile) and since playlist.com is gone it's all just gone...I haven't gotten to the Pandora playlists yet so I'm not sure if those still exist.

That said...I kind of still love a lot of the UL songs. I've even stolen some of them for Years.

Years 4
This is a shortie! I have NO IDEA how we are on chapter 4 !  I feel like holding my Word Doc and screaming "YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS SERIAL, IT'S MINE."

UPDATE: I am in a weird place with Years...I'm pretty far into it and I'm starting to realize I'm struggling between keeping my original idea of making each section year by year and actually building a plot ? I keep moving my outline around so it may take me a while to get it re-sorted out.


Recap
In 1999 Alex Haley  is working at the virtual porn company, Virtue and pinning after his friend Luce Grace.  He likes his job at Virtue but  in 2000 reveals to Lansing Prescott (His ex's...ex) that he sees himself doing other things in the future. We're moving to 2001....

Years 4
Playlist
-1- Boys by Lizzo
-2-  Dear Marie by All Time Low
-3- Dancing on My Own by Robyn
-4- Dancing on My Own by Calum Scott

Sweet Summer Children (Years 3)

...I think about this sometimes. I'm sure this is Lile's reaction to Little Rebellions.

Dear Lile, WIP Challenge

I saw this on the writer-web and (if she's up for it) I'm challenging Lile! She can pick the WIP.

Probably going to do this across WIPs btw. Lets gooooo! pic.twitter.com/tV6LHlM03h

— 𝔸𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕒 𝕁𝕠𝕪 🌈 (@amandajoywrites) April 16, 2020

Here are my words: heart, shoes, forget, lips, sun, falling, compulsion, vice, virtue, pulse.
Erik's Edit: thrust

Two More Picspirations

Gaige, 37
I have no idea why he has a picspiration. He does not come back up for a while but I imagine him as stern, smolder-y beard-y Danny Pino. In the future I'd like to write a little flash fic from his POV...

Alan, 33 

He also does not come back up much but Paul Walker's hair in this pic is very time period relevant, except it should be longer at the bottom. Alan's origin is very much a Noodle Incident

I did it, Faulkner
I've been embracing Kill Your Darlings and turned into a ruthless editing machine. Every time I look at something I try to cut  a few words--which is why I happened to have had Chapter 2 in a web based word counter before I lost it. At first I was tightening up sentences  but lately I've cut whole scenes and interactions from serials to show not tell.  At first I was saving the scenes  but now I just hit delete and it feels...good ?

One of the scenes  I deleted from Nova (I saved it it but it's not worth sharing) is where we learn Nova has been looking for a sparkly purple nail polish his Dad painted his nails with before he died and when Nova finds it, it's  dried out and he takes it out on Luce and Sara. It happens right after their first on page fight and I was trying to show how grief can sneak up I little ways but then I realized the whole serial was about that and the scene could go.

Also, this is why in SWM his phone case is sparkly purple 💜

I just cut a 1,000 word scene from Years that I'm saving but I'm hoping to be able to do something with it later. I'll talk about it when we get to it. Nobody is asking but yes, it was a sexy scene. 😉

Throwback Corner (This segment needs a name)
Okay, I was going to save this for a future post because this blog is getting long but I have to share what I've been up to. I've taken from Lile (again) and gone waaay back to my 2009 blog posts to pull things to discuss.

 There are some gems but  early days is  a mess of weird Cobalt in-fighting and pedantic  daily life posts. I was also  had this odd habit of talking about my character as if they were fully in control of the story ???

There was a little dust up early on where people didn't like that Juliana was blonde and I was super dismissive about it and just plain wrong. It's especially cringe-y  considering I was in inspired by Jim Jones to write UL--although UL turned a little more Waco-y. If there was one thing I'd go back in change it might be that, she probably should have been a POC.

I also haven't gotten to the paradox line origin but "the thing itself" has been with us for a long time.  This is from August 2009, my 4th ever blog post where I decided I wanted to make a serial:

We were so formal back then. I kept being like Linda who ?

Also some of you were a little shocked  when Sawyer said f*ck you to Caine after he....tased him or something ? I don't remember. Oh, sweet summer children











Anyway, there are 10 fucks in this chapter of Years...

Years 3
After 7 years in an abusive relationship Haley calls Luce Grace, his roomate's friend and former co-worker, to help him leave his abusive boyfriend at the 1998 Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas. 

Let's skip to what happens in 1999...

Years 3

Playlist 
-1- Never Wake by Sanders Bohlke
-2 -Taxi by EXES 
-3- Terrified by Terror Jr. 
-4- Sometimes by Britney Spears

Pretty Peeps: Years 2

Pretty Peeps!
I'm sure I don't need to do picspirations at this point but I wanted to make the ages and time periods they grew up in clear. These are the ages when the story starts in 1998.

Luce Grace (29; Born 1969) and Alex Haley (25; Born 1973)

I think in the comments of Nigh Out someone called Luce a Baby Boomer but they are both Gen X'ers! It's hard to find a specific Luce-spiration but I  love Richard Madden's little grey streak. I know Lucely haven't interacted "on page" much but you all know where this is going...

Jean Dory, 40 (1958)  Minnow Dory, 31 (1967) Kenneth Maxwell, 46 (1952) Sara Grace, 45 (1953)

I see a lot of Minnow in Tessa Thompson, particularly her performance in Thor Ragnorak. Something about her "I don't care but I do care" attitude.  IDK, she and Jean can be half-siblings ? I see some Jean in Jonathan Van Ness--more looks wise than personality. Also my old picspiraton for Jean, Jared Leto, is...starting a cult ?

I think Frances McDormand gets my Sara expression perfectly. Transporting her life to the1960s America is interesting in ways I don't do much with.

The closest Maxwell inspy I've had is the elusive clean shaven Joe Mangienello. Did I intentionally change Maxwell's age so he would have the Vietnam War as backstory ? Yes. After seeing Tiger King I can see Maxwell as kind of Jeff  Lowe-y. He's also a little Joe Exotic-y too because he's in a relationship with someone barely out of high school.

Zacharias Washington, 19 (Born: 1977) and Charlotte Dory 20 (Born:1978)

These are my Xillenials. I realize Rias hasn't been mentioned but he was mentioned in SWM so we know he exists in this world. This Rias inspy is a Kpop member who is not Japanese but reminds me of Rias.

Dear Lile

CP!Shawna: Wow, it's really embarrassing how Lile is going through your old comments and reading your old whining

SHV: Yeah, but I like the gesture. Maybe I'll post a comment of hers I can relate to. Like this one:

I think this is from GWOSM finale ? I have nothing else planned after Years at the moment and I'm trying to be okay with that but...it's hard. I don't even remember what having unwritten story ideas feels like anymore ?

The Most SFW Research on the Adult Entertainment Industry
AEX is based on the  Adult Video News (AVN) Expo.

My research was mostly adult actor AMAs on Reddit and a 1998 essay by David Foster Wallace  where he embedded at  the AVN Expo. IDK how true his essay is, it sort of reeks of misogyny (which I'm sure is plentiful in the industry) but between those two items and Wikipedia I kind of put something together. A LOT OF WHAT I'M WRITING IS 100% MADE UP THOUGH.

The adult industry is VERY different now than in the 90s-00s and I'll get into it a little bit as the serial moves forward. I will say it is very hard to find anything from the gay adult entertainment perspective. 1998 is the first year they awarded gay performers and I would have loved Wallace to get into that in the essay.

Also, all the men in adult entertainment are called performers and women are called starlets. I think that seeped into my writing but I tried to take it out. 

Years 2
Alex Haley has been in a 7 year relationship with  Kenneth Maxwell, a producer for Harmony Entertainment. They are attending the  Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas together. On the expo floor Haley runs into Jean Dory, the older brother of his former roommate who tells him about his new company called Virtue. We're still in 1998...
Years 2
Playlist
- 1- Shiny Things by Fann
-2- Close To Me by Diplo
-3- Move by Jack Howden
-4 - Back To You by The Mayrie
-5- Slide by James Bay
-6- We Don't Have To Take Out Clothes Off by Elle Eyre (This was runner up for serial title)

Moving On: Years

Bonus points if you can tell which 2020 book I straight up stole this cover design from !

 

WAHHH!

I am licking my wounds because I'm still  sour over a big chunk of edits I deleted for Chapter 2...  Update: OMG, this section was me being really whiney ahout losing edits but I had apparently put the chapter in a word counter website and when I went back to the site it was still there  so it's been recovered! 

But First
Lol, I am so basic. I realized I left a very similar comment and gif  on the original School House Shuffle post  and on School House Shuffle TDOLL. I think I just want to inspire all the Lile things:

12/2017

4/2020

Years

I have no idea how we got here already but here we are. I began 2020 writing Nova, HH-Verse novellas and Years all at the same time so it's hard to believe I've come to the end of all that. I don't currently have anything else in the hopper but hopefully by the time I finish this I will.

I'd say forget what you think you know about Vice/Compulsion. There will be some familiar names but with some different backstories and a few ages have been changed. IDK what else to say so let's get into it.

I originally had this part and Chapter 2 together but then I separated them. So, you'll see some music from Chapter 2 on the  Spotify playlist. Just ignore it, it's likely going to change anyway.

Years

Playlist 
I may have oversold how much of the music will be time period appropriate. Most of it won't be.

-1-  Anamoly by Lights & Motion

-2-  Hand in My Pocket by Alanis Morisette

-3-  Glass House by Morgan Saint

-4-  We Move Lightly by Dustin O'Hallaran

-5-  Dance Monkey by Tones and I